Monday, January 6, 2014

Day one. Again.

A couple of years ago, I managed to lose a whopping 85 lbs!   Eighty.  Five.  Pounds. 

Then... Life happened, and I stopped going to the gym.  We started homeschooling.  My husband started a new job.  And little by little, I gained back 75. 

One handful of chips...

one cookie...

one Route 44 soft drink...

one extra helping at a time. 

What happened? Where did my motivation go? How did I allow this to happen? Again?

I've been giving that a lot of thought lately.  I remember a few awkward and apparently meaningful moments.

We were out to eat dinner, and I whipped out my phone to try and figure the nutritional information before I ordered... And my husband said, "Why can't you just relax once in a while? It's like you're obsessed with this whole thing."  And I felt... embarrassed.

I was at work one day, and a co-worker, trying to complement me, said, "You're just disappearing!"  And I felt... invisible.

I went to the doctor one day, looking for encouragement about the weight I had lost, and instead, he chose to talk about how far I still had to go.  And I felt... discouraged.

I  lost 85 pounds and my husband and I still fought too much.  And I felt... unlovable.

I looked in the mirror one day, and was horrified at the loose skin hanging on my thighs from such dramatic weight loss, and I felt... Ugly.

And so now it's all back.  And I'm paying the ultimate price.  I'm now on medication for blood pressure.  My back and my knees are in constant, chronic pain. I'm tired and cranky and feel pretty unworthy of love.

But... That's simply not true.  I am worth it. My kids are worth it. 

Worth it.

And worthy, no matter my genes, or the size of my jeans.

So today, I begin again.



  1. Life is so unfair. We are stuck with bad genes. But we are blessed in so many ways. I will start on this journey with you. I have failed so many times. But I know you depend on me and I can not stand the thought of leaving you or those kids just because something tasted so good or food was where I sought my comfort. So with your love and the kids hugs and a lot more depending on God for my strength I am here. Your partner in the defense of calories and our health. Love you gal. You are a pro and so smart. You have this.

    1. Ah, here is the blog about restarting the journey! I'm with you this time. We'll do it together and get healthy again. It is built of small habits.. Track the food, Increase the exercise.. set a goal.. 15 min. or more a day of some kind of movement. We can do it, Dani! We know we can. We did it before and we'll get there. You are worthy and you are lovable. Do it for yourself.. to feel better, to be healthier, to live longer. Hugs!!! - Angel (Wendy)