Just look away...

I took my kids swimming this weekend.

Yes, it's currently weather best suited for polar bears outside, but my city was having a free event at the indoor pool, and we were in desperate need of a fun day filled with lots of activity.

I wasn't prepared for what happened.

My son, Eoin, is 5 1/2 years old.  And I realized too late that he is suddenly developing a sense of modesty, especially around the opposite sex.  Well, we had already had a busy morning filled with Easter egg hunts and strawberry pie making, and I brought our swim gear along so we could change in the locker room.  Unfortunately, my husband wasn't with us, so I had to take Eoin into the women's locker room with me.

It wasn't really a big deal when we arrived, because the locker room was empty, except for another mom who was changing a baby's diaper, so I was able to help Eoin get changed in a quick and discreet manner.  The problem arose when it was time for us to leave, as the locker room was full of people--moms and daughters, mostly--who needed to change into street clothes.  All at the same time.

I quickly ushered Eoin into one of the shower stalls, so that he could have some privacy while he got dressed.  I kind of put my hand over his eyes and told him to just look down at the floor, so that he wouldn't be seeing anyone who was changing.  And you know what?

He totally got it!

He and I were able to have a great conversation about how, as a young man, it's his responsibility to give girls respect, and to protect and guard his own heart and mind by just averting his eyes. 

I noticed a little later, as we were preparing to leave, another group of young girls came into the locker room.  They were all about 8-10 years old, and wearing the skimpiest of skimpy bikinis. He immediately dropped his gaze to the floor and kept it there until they left.  He said, "mom, at least they are wearing *something*...but I still think they're almost naked.  That doesn't seem right."

You're right, son.  It doesn't.

As a mom of a daughter, I'm pretty disgusted by our society's incessant need to sexualize our little girls earlier and earlier.  I am horrified to think that the world will try to convince her that all that she has to offer of any value lies between her legs, and not between her ears.  Even at 3 years old, I refuse to dress Reagan in anything that is too suggestive.  And every single day, I not only tell her that she is beautiful...but that she is Smart.  And Funny.  And Kind.  And Generous.  And Loved.  And Amazing.

But, as a mom of a son, I now see the issue from a new perspective.  As a society, we should be absolutely ashamed of what we are doing to little boys. Whether they are 5 or 25, boys are slammed all day--every day--with images and messages that seek to declare war on their flesh.

These not-so-subtle tactics of the enemy serve only one real purpose.  He strives to steal from them the precious knowledge of who they were created to be, replacing their joy and peace with shame and heartbreak.

What intentional tactics have you, as a parent, taken to guard your own children's hearts?

Hi.

stay tuned...I've decided that I'm coming back. 



Soon.  :)

 

Survivor guilt

Tonight, I was out at a restaurant with my mom and my two overly-tired and very crabby children. As I was hustling to get everyone's plate of food prepared, cut up, cooled off, and ready-to-eat, I saw it. The lady dining with her husband at the table next to us was staring right at us, and I saw it. You know the look? THAT look? In her eyes I saw what I quickly dismissed as annoyance. But as we sat there, I noticed again and again that she was looking at my kids with....longing.

This woman was older than I am. I'd guess late 40's. Anyway, she was obviously past her child bearing years. And as I watched her, watching them...my heart was breaking for her. She never said a word to us. She never once cracked a smile at their adorableness. She stopped talking to her husband, and a dark cloud of silence settled over their table.

I wanted to say something...anything. I wanted to scream as loudly as I could, "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! I'M ONE OF YOU!" But, I guess I'm not. I'm no longer part of the sad and silent sisterhood of Infertiles. I've now become one of those busy and distracted moms who I used to look at in just the same way.

I am so thankful and overjoyed, every day, at what God has done in healing me and giving me these two beautiful children! But not a day goes by that I don't remember the pain we experienced on the journey. I still miss the baby we lost, and although the tears have stopped flowing, I think of her all the time. I remember peeing on stick after stick, praying that I would see TWO pink lines, and I remember the pain and heartbreak of month after month, year after year, facing disappointment once again.

I marvel sometimes how the mere act of waiting so long to become a mother changed me forever. It left my heart with gaping wounds and thick, ugly scars that only the grace of God and the sweet kisses of my babies could heal. Even on their worst day, those precious children are like a salve to my very soul. I never knew love could be like this. So fierce and so intense...it's almost terrifying.

But oh, it was so worth the wait.

Hi, I've missed you!

How is it possible that, despite best intentions, we turn our attention from something for what seems just a moment, and suddenly it's been nearly two months since my last blog post??

Well. Things have been pretty busy here. We spent a good part of January battling a nasty upper respiratory infection that snaked its way through our house and left both kids with double ear infections. With this, we discovered that Reagan had a reaction to the amoxicillin...so we're going to be pursuing some allergy testing for her in the near future to be sure.

Anthony's parents and brothers came into town at the beginning of February, and spent 3 weeks with us. It was so great for them to finally get a chance to meet Reagan, and to spend some more time with Eoin. Needless to say, he's really changed a lot since the last time they saw him--he was 13 months old then! They just left Kansas City on Wednesday, and we're slowly adjusting and getting the kids used to being home alone (and bored!) with just Mommy and Daddy.

Eoin is talking up a storm these days, and as a matter of fact, never stops talking from the moment he wakes in the morning, until the moment he drifts off to sleep at night. He loves to give the play by play for every. single. thing. he does during the day...it's hysterical! Maddening, but hysterical. LOL I swear the kid definitely has the gift of gab!

Reagan is 9 1/2 months now, and is trying her hardest to learn to walk. She has a baby walker that she uses to go EVERYWHERE now, and she is *this* close to taking off on her own! She did take two steps a couple of days ago, but I didn't get a chance to see it. She was standing at the raised fireplace hearth playing, and she turned around, took two steps and then fell. My Mother In Law was privileged enough to see it firsthand, though, and was thrilled! :)

We're still dying in the middle of winter here in KC, and can't wait for the spring thaw! Puxatawnie Phil promised us it was right around the corner...right?

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I became a mommy to a perfect little girl.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nope. And yeah, I probably will...even though I never keep them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah! I gave birth to Reagan, my cousin gave birth to Austin, another cousin's wife gave birth to Hudson, and another cousin gave birth to Drew.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my Grandma and my Uncle Bill.

5. What countries did you visit?
This year, I stayed home with my babies, and never even got out of Kansas City. We sent Anthony back home to Ireland for a visit all by himself.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More financial security, a cleaner house (and a maid LOL), and more patience with my kids.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Easy. May 15, 2009...Reagan Elisabeth Siobhan Breen was born! :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Learning to juggle the demands of having two little ones who need so much of my time and attention, while still giving each of them the one-on-one time that they need.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I can't keep on top of housework and laundry to save my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, although the last trimester of my pregnancy was pretty rough. And of course, I had a C-Section.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
All things pink! Shopping for little girl clothes makes me very, very happy!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Eoin! He has demonstrated such kindness and love toward his new little sister, and has handled the transition from being an only child to being a big brother with such grace! I'm so proud of him!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Our Congressmen and Senators.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, diapers, food, gas, utilities...I don't know, but it seems to just slip through our fingers these days.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
January 2, 2009....the day we found out we were having a little GIRL!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Twinkle twinkle little star...it's by far Reagan's favorite!

17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? happier
b. thinner or fatter? thinner, I'm not pregnant! LOL
c. richer or poorer? poorer, but it's totally worth it!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
working out. organizing. keeping in touch with my friends. praying for my husband and kids.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
arguing over stupid stuff and worrying about things I can't control

20. How did you spend Christmas?
We were snowed in with a blizzard, so we spent the entire day at home...Anthony, Eoin, Reagan, my mom and I...it was so nice. We opened gifts in the morning, then had some snacks and appetizers, followed later by an impromptu Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. I even learned how to make a proper Irish Roasted Potato.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Anthony :X

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes...with Reagan! And my love for Anthony and Eoin continues to grow deeper with each passing year. Adding to our family only increased my love for all of them.

23. How many one-night stands?
Sorry, there's only one man for me. And he's married. To me.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, American Idol, and Gavin and Stacey

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope

26. What was the best book you read?
"The Next Thing on My List" by Jill Smolinski

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jack's Big Music Show?

28. What did you want and get?
a Sonicare toothbrush!

29. What did you want and not get?
paid maternity leave, and a size 6 figure.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Julie and Julia

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 39, and I was 38 weeks pregnant. I was contracting every 5 minutes, so I got all excited. Mom, Anthony, Eoin and I went out to eat dinner at Chili's...for one last hurrah before I went in to the hospital. But alas...as I sat there eating dinner, the contractions stopped, and my dreams of a shared birthday with my daughter were dashed.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If our money situation hadn't been so tight.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Stretched out, faded maternity clothes and other assorted clothes that don't fit right anymore.

34. What kept you sane?
My girlfriends. I have some very great friends who I know are praying for me, lifting me up, and holding me accountable.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
"bail outs" and healthcare reform; the devaluing of the dollar

36. Who did you miss?
my dad...every day.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Reagan, obviously.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
I'm not always right, even when I think I am.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink"--The Beatles

Going MIA

I am having some ongoing problems with this laptop, and the warranty expires TOMORROW...so I have to send it in to Gateway to be repaired. I'm so sad. I'll be without a computer for 7-10 business days, so they say. I'll still be able to check in from my cellphone, but you won't see me posting much if at all, because it's really really hard to post from there. I might try to get on from my mom's when i can, but that might be spotty at best.

Happy New Year...I'll see ya in 2010.

Mushroom Risotto...it's what's for dinner!

In my vain attempt to be inspired by The Pioneer Woman, here's my silly little step by step chronicle honoring the beautiful magic that is risotto! If you've never made risotto, you are really missing out. It can be a little daunting at first, and requires the utmost in patience and preparation time...but the creamy delicious goodness is *so* worth the effort.



Two onions. Dice 'em and cook until they start to brown. Add a clove of garlic and continue to sautee.





You don't want to add the garlic until your onions are mostly browned...garlic burns very easily, and burned garlic gets no love.





Throw in some finely chopped celery. My recipe calls for 1 TBS. Obviously, I think that is merely a suggestion. On a side note, if you are cooking with celery, always include the leafy parts. Lots of flavor and pretty color in those tender little shoots.





Mushrooms! I used sliced baby bellas last night...yummmmmm!





Cook them 'til they're all brown and delicious like this, and then...





...add some white wine to de-glaze the pan! This step gives a very satisfying SIZZLE!





Pour in some evaporated milk. Or you can use heavy cream or half-and-half if you're so inclined. I never have cream or half-and-half on hand because it spoils before I can use up a container...but I always keep evaporated milk in my cupboard and it works GREAT in place of milk in recipes that need a heavy, creamy sauce.





The star of the show. One cup of Aborio rice. This is very important...if you're making risotto, you MUST use Aborio rice. It's different than any other type of regular rice. It cooks very slowly, and as it cooks, it gives off this amazing starchiness that makes risotto, well...risotto.





Vegetable broth. Unbelievably, you will stir in somewhere between 4 and 5 cups of the stuff during the next 45 minutes or so!





Go ahead. Stir in just a little bit. I add it by about 1/2 cup at a time. Stir it in, and let it simmer on medium low, stirring often. This is really the key....stir often. The stirring is what helps to break down the Aborio rice.





At this point, you might want to pull up a stool, pour yourself some eggnog, and watch "Gavin and Stacey" on your laptop. Or maybe that's just me. More industrious women might take this opportunity to clean up their kitchens. Not me. I boldly left that mess for this morning. :)







Keep on adding broth, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring until it's pretty much absorbed before you add more broth.





Can you see it? Here's the magic! The rice is really starting to get creamy now!



Add in some parmesan cheese and a couple tablespoons of real butter--somehow I forgot to take a picture of this step--and stir it all around, trying not to drool directly into the pan.





The finished product! Oh my! I would have put it in a pretty serving dish for your viewing pleasure, but I have to put it back on the stovetop this afternoon and warm it all up for our family Christmas dinner. If you give me a call early enough, maybe we'll save you some. ;)




Of course, I can not cook, write or take photographs like the pioneer woman...that is why she is jaunting across the country on a fabulous book tour, and I'm sitting on my couch in my jammies while my two little ones play at my feet. It's a welcome trade.